Sixteen Stones: A Curling Theme Song

​Bucks County curlers are a fun and friendly group of folks. But who knew we had a budding lyricist amongst our ranks? Our very own Bert Tyler was struck by the songwriting muse recently and came up with a festive curling theme song (with thanks and apologies to Tennessee Ernie Ford, who wrote the original 16 Tons and to John Denver, who wrote the golf parody, 18 Holes). Now who's going to lend us his or her vocal chops to get this recorded? Dave...?

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Sixteen Stones
(sung to the tune of 16 Tons)
 
I'm on the hack, and what do I see?
My skip's yelling something and he's pointing at me.
I start my delivery but something goes wrong
I'm flat on my face 'cause my gripper's still on.
 
You throw sixteen stones, and what do you get?
Another day older, and colder and wet.
Now Satan is calling, but he'd better beware
'cause Hell's freezing over and I'm heading there.
 
I'll try this again. This is gonna be right.
I grab a red rock and line it up tight
My delivery is perfect, it's curling and true
And then I find out that we're throwing blue.
 
(chorus)
 
One more time. This is gonna be great.
I'm gonna show off my takeout weight.
It's on the broom. It's straight and hard.
It's really too bad the skip called for a guard.
 
(chorus)
 
The stones I'm delivering are really a sight.
They're inside, they're outside, they're heavy and light.
And then I throw one that really looks sweet.
Stops right on the button but on the wrong sheet.
 
(chorus)
 
I'm getting worn out by end number six
My legs are like rubber and I gotta (urinate).
My toes are frozen and my hands are all cold.
I'd sell my soul but it's already sold.
 
(chorus)

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